Adam stood from the floor and fixed his shirt. He wiped the tears from his eyes and reached over to the tissue box that was set on the couch. He grabbed a tissue from the box and wiped the makeup from his eyes. He fluttered his eyes then walked over to the bathroom to reapply his makeup. He walked out of the bathroom then sighed, soon after walking out of the house. He knew exactly where to go, the street Tommy lives on is not far.
Tommy kept looking at himself in the mirror. He was absolutely disgusted with himself. He stepped away from the mirror and stepped into the bathtub. He slowly sat down letting the warm water continue to run. He couldn’t help but begin to cry again. He was overwhelmed and entirely way to depressed, so he did the only thing he knew he could do. He slowly slid down the bathtub, not holding his breath or anything. After being under a few seconds he took a breath in, swallowing water. He did not come up from under the water; he forced himself to stay under.
Adam walked up to Tommy’s apartment and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He knocked a few more times, still no answer. The sound of the knocks echoed the hallway. Adam got a bad feeling inside him. He opened the door realizing it was unlocked. “Tommy?” he said softly. Still no answer. He found the eviction notice on the ground. He picked it up and began to read it. “Poor Tommy” he said quietly and sighed before he began looking for Tommy again. He stayed quiet and heard the bathtub was running. Adam followed the sound of the running water until he found the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Tommy…it’s Adam.” There was no answer. Adam knocked harder, still no answer. The door was slightly open so Adam walked in slowly. He looked down noticing the floor was wet. He walked over to the bathtub and found Tommy unconscious under the water. “Oh my gosh!” He jumped into the tub, not caring if he had gotten wet and pulled Tommy out onto the hard bathroom floor. Adam without hesitation quickly called 911. “Tommy!” Adam shook Tommy, he didn’t move or anything. He started to give Tommy CPR luckily he remembered how to from high school. Tommy was unconscious and nothing was helping. Minutes felt like hours while Adam waited for the ambulance. Adam held onto Tommy Joe’s hand tightly and moved his beautiful blond hair out of his eyes gently stroking it a bit. Tears flooded Adam’s eyes, he felt terrible in every aspect. He blamed himself for this happening, he wish it hadn’t happened. For a second he wish he had never met Tommy, he believed he had sent Tommy over the edge to want to do this. He sobbed looked at Tommy’s body laying there on the ground. Adam pulled Tommy’s body to his and held him close, not ever wanting to let go.
Eventually the ambulance showed up to take Tommy Joe to the hospital. Although Adam did not want to let go, he had to. He hoped they would be able to save Tommy’s life. They left, carrying Tommy out to the truck. The sirens were permanently stuck in Adam’s ears.
I know the battles of chasing the shadows of who you wanna be
It doesn't matter, go on and shatter
I'm all you need
Those lyrics came to mind. Adam quickly took out his phone saving the lyrics on his phone. He was left there, alone in Tommy Joe’s apartment. He stood up from the cold wet floor of the bathroom and turned off the water. He walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him being careful not to make any sound. His ears were still ringing with the sounds of the sirens. He looked around the apartment for Tommy’s bedroom. He decided he was going to pack Tommy’s important stuff for now so he could stay with him at his house. He found Tommy’s bedroom and walked in looking around for something to put his stuff in. Adam looked in the closet and found a suitcase. He placed the suitcase on the bed and opened it before getting clothes to pack into the bag. Adam walked over the Tommy’s dresser and started packing his clothes shirts, pants, boxers, socks etc fitting as much in the suitcase as possible. He then noticed a notebook laying at the bottom of one of his dresser drawers.
Adam picked up the notebook and took it over to the bed. He sat down and opened it, the first lines were Dear Journal. He realized this was Tommy Joe’s journal. He debated whether he should read it or put it back. He knew it was wrong, but he wanted to understand why Tommy was feeling like this, so he began reading.
I just came home from the hospital; I don’t want to be alive. I’m still trying to figure out how this is possible. I’m alive, but my brother Tyler is dead. The only person left in my sad pathetic life. The only person who meant anything to me. I need him, more then anything right now, but he’s not here and he will never be again. I can’t say that, It hurts so much to think about it, that I will never see him again. We we’re both in the car, obeying all traffic laws, he was driving the speed limit. After that my memory is foggy. I was told a drunk driver ran a red light. Mother fucker. I hope he died in the crash, that douche bag killed my brother!! I don’t want to be alive, I want to be with my brother. I want to be DEAD!!
Adam saw that the word dead was written in big, bold letters, his heart stopped a minute. Tommy wasn’t messing around when he said he wanted to be dead in his entry, Adam read onto the next entry.
Today was Tyler’s funeral. I hated every minute of it. I walked up to the coffin to look at him. I felt I owed it to him to say goodbye. When I walked up to him, seeing his dead body there, I lost it. I ran away and ran outside crying my eyes out. No one in my family even cared to see if I was okay. I wasn’t okay, I was; I am dead inside and will never be alive again. Now I just need to be physically dead, and everything will be okay. I went back into the funeral home a few minutes later, my dad was there staring at me. He had a disgusted look on his face, a face of disappointment. When I was 16, my dad found out I was having homosexual feelings. He kicked me out of the house without even giving me a chance to change or defend myself. I am going to change, I will be straight I promise you that I will be straight. I felt my emotions all build up inside, seeing his face for the first time in years killed me. I had failed him, I had failed my brother, and I had failed myself. Why couldn’t I have been normal, Why couldn’t I have been loved? I was not accepted in that house. I can’t expect anyone else to accept me. I am straight. I am straight. I am not straight…no I am straight.
Tears filled Adam’s eyes again while he read the entry before him. “How could someone just kick out their own like that? And at the young age of 16?” He closed the journal, deciding he couldn’t read anymore. It was making him overly emotional and he felt as if he would throw up. Adam closed his eyes taking deep breathes in and out to calm himself down. He then stood up putting the journal away in Tommy Joe’s suitcase and closed it shut. He grabbed some more things Tommy might need and took his suitcase and left the building. He headed home first to drop all the stuff off before heading to the hospital to see if Tommy would be okay.